Dialogue, Stereotypes, Family

Boston Time: 4:20 PM 31 May
Damascus Time: 11:20 PM 31 May

Our dialogue with a group of Syrian students at Damascus University was meant to focus on stereotypes. We had a lack of stereotypes due to our lack of exposure. To be honest, I never even thought of Syria (in general or as part of the Arab world) before the planning our travels. On the news, many Middle Eastern countries are mentioned: Israel, Lebanon, Palestine, Iraq, Saudi, Kuwait, Egypt, Bahrain, etc; even during stories on the Israeli-Arab conflict, I have no recollection of Syria being in the mix. (This is quite surprising considering we have visited the Israeli occupied Syrian Golan Heights.)

For the most part, it felt as though the other students were offering up stereotypes of the stereotypes we held as Americans. For example, all Americans think all Syrians (as part of the Arab world) are terrorists, or that we hate them. Of course, we attempted to dissuade them of this way of thinking while at the same time not making blanket statements and generalizations of our own. While I cannot speak for all Americans of our vast cultural and ideological spectrum, I do believe that America is moving forward with their global mindset and becoming more culturally sensitive, accepting and educated. At the same time, our small group of NU Dialoguers is a specific group of individuals that just by being here are clearly interested in and valuing Arab and Middle Eastern culture, so our own biases are surely swayed in this respect.

Another student said she would not take up an opportunity she had to study in the U.S. because she was scared of being treated differently because of her headscarf. No doubt she will be treated differently, even without it she would be. We are treated differently (negatively and positively) here and it has not prevented our travels. I hope she will change her mind.

There are two topics of our discussion that stick out in particular. The first: one of the Syrian students asked why do we Americans make no effort to be friendly with the Syrians (or Arabs) when they do put in an effort? The student offered up the story of her four uncles who live in Washington, D.C. and have not been treated well, or found comfort there (I am unsure of her exact reasoning.) When I asked her to clarify the efforts of Americans—was it because they don’t travel to Arab countries or because they don’t befriend the Arabs in the States?—she said it was in general, either way really. She explained that she wants to be our friend and to love us but we don’t seem to want the same. This truly hurt.

For fear of appearing self-righteous, I kept my mouth shut. My personal life did not need to be thrust into the spotlight of such an environment, but here I can at least let out some frustration.

I love an Arab and he is my best friend. Indeed, it has been the truest friend-making effort I have made since coming to university. To be missing Burhan so much, to be so close to his home while he is so close to mine, only exacerbated the distress her stereotype presented. I have made an effort to know and befriend the Arab world and Arab culture and continue to do so every day. I have to if I am to make my relationship work. Really it is required of any relationship, friend or romantic, no matter where he or she comes from, close or far. In the simplest sense, here I am in front of this student in a cultural dialogue, through which we both are attempting to grow closer and learn. The very fact that I am in Syria, is this not an effort? Are not Americans trying?

I do not feel the need to love everyone, or even to be friends with them, but I do believe that respect and kindness are a must in encounters. I am not required to be friends with every American I meet and should not be expected to be friends with every Syrian, Arab, or anyone else I come across—it simply is unrealistic. There are cultural differences, personality clashes, and ideological disagreements that can make any two people simply not get along. That is why, when a stranger says they want to love me and be my friend, I cannot take it personally. Hopefully, the student meant it on a broader sense, to love Americans as a whole, for Syria and the U.S. to be allies or at least at peace with one another. But the fact that she can make this statement of where she wants to go makes me wonder where she is coming from—does she hate Americans?

The second idea that touched close to home was the idea of family. A Syrian student commented that American families don’t socialize together, and move away from each other. It is true that we are a more wide spread and mobile culture in terms of family geography, but we still socialize with our families. We told them how we too (although admittedly not all) eat dinner and talk and all that jazz with our families. But the concept went deeper and was not truly able to materialize into what the real differences are: the idea of compliance to, and protection of, the family unit. My parents would never tell me what to, or try to influence my decisions. If a decision were mine to make, they would expect me to be the one to make it, and would not impose too much of their own opinion. Of course I would (maybe) listen to what my parents had to say, but I could never obey them if it meant going against my true feelings. It scares me to think that someone else’s mother has the power to affect my own life, by way of influencing her son. And yet his respect for her and his family is a strikingly inviting and attractive quality.

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